Book Excerpts
THE DOG:
Here in Texas, I've met the woman of my dreams. Unfortunately, she lives with the dog of my nightmares.
Karen, a woman I've known only six months, is calm and self-assured. A godsend. To me, she easily is the First Lady of Watauga. She lives in Watauga, is first in my life and is very much a lady.
Sadie, a Labrador retriever, is her dog. And she easily is the Last Dog of Watauga. She is last in my life and very much an obstacle. The Psycho Dog.
-- From "Dog's not all I need to fill hole in my life"
THE DOG:
The dog of your boyhood, Willie Morris wrote in his book My Dog Skip, teaches you a great deal about friendship, about love, and death.
Because I didn't get my first dog until I was 37 years old, I never learned those important lessons until very late. Maybe a little too late.
It took me several years before I allowed Sadie, the little run of a retriever who came in a package deal with my wife and two stepchildren, to teach me those lessons about friendship and love. The lesson about death, I fear is coming soon.
Sadie, the only dog I ever had, the only dog I ever loved, is dying.
-- From "Beloved dog has one lesson left to teach"
THE SON:
In the 46th round of the amateur baseball draft, the San Francisco Giants selected a pitcher.
"The Yankees are next," my stepson Jon said quietly.
We heard a voice from the baseball commissioner's office say: "Yankees?"
Then a voice from the Yankees war room in Tampa said the words we will never forget: "Yankees select Bertschinger, Jonathan, left fielder at Fossil Ridge High School in Fort Worth."
What happened next was the greatest feeling of pure joy either of us has ever known. When you give birth to a child, you have months to prepare. When you get married, an engagement period allows time to ponder the significance. But this was something we were never sure would happen. So in one moment, all the joy and delight from years of dreaming were released in one loud, long shout of ecstasy.
-- From "In the bottom of 9th, a prayer for victory"
THE PIZZA ADULTERER:
"Where ya been?" Tony the pizza man asked.
I didn't want to hurt Tony, but I had to tell him. Your relationship with your pizza man is based on honesty, even when the truth hurts.
My priorities in life are simple. After God and family, I cherish my pizza parlor. I value a good pizza man the way I value a good woman. In return for her love and his pizza, you must be loyal.
Pizza adultery is a serious offense. I state this now because I have a confession to make.
-- From "Pizza confession: A one-night stand"
CALLING FOR A TEACHERS REVOLT:
Today I am calling for a teachers' revolt.
I have come to realize that the biggest dreamers in our society, public school teachers who entered the work force with a noble calling to nurture young minds and prepare them for the world, are no longer allowed to do much of that.
Instead, teachers have become standardized-test preparation specialists, seekers of exemplary ratings and blue ribbons. They are pawns in the political empires that our school districts have become.
-- From "Education system is failing teachers"
MEETING THE GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
The first time I met Gov. Rick Perry at a campaign rally in Southlake seven weeks ago, we had a pleasant conversation, but he said something that surprised me. We were standing in the third-floor hallway of Southlake Town Hall when I introduced myself.
"Hi, Governor Perry," I said.
"Hi," he replied.
"My name is Dave Lieber, and I'm a columnist for the Star-Telegram."
He asked, "Is that L-E-I-B-E-R?"
"No sir," I said. "That's L-I-E-B-E-R."
Then he said, "Did you ever live in Israel?"
-- From "Stereotypes are hard to overcome - just ask the governor"
ON FIGHTING INTOLERANCE:
So, punk, you come into my neighborhood and break into a neighbor's house and cover the walls with your filth by penning swastikas and misspelled slogans about blacks dying and going home, even though they already are home.
You deface the carpets, rip the linoleum, hammer holes into kitchen cabinets, tear up pillows and break glass that show Martin Luther King Jr. and a baby on whom you have so thoughtfully drawn a Hitler-like mustache.
The moment I hear, I dash over and knock on the Davises' front door and offer to help paint over your stupidity. Daniel and Rolanda Davis invite me in, and somebody asks, "Who's got paint trays?" So I rush out and get paint trays and tarpaulins, and I'm running across the store parking lot in a fury because I am on a mission to repair, repaint and rebuild everything you did so your act becomes as meaningless and wasted as possible.
-- From "For neighbors, hateful act has opposite effect"
ON DAVE'S FRIEND, THE MURDERER:
When I was younger and felt the need to score a point in conversation, I told whomever I wanted to impress that a very good friend of mine was locked in prison. "Yes," I would say innocently, "my friend is a murderer serving 15 years to life." Then I would watch my listener's face.
|
